I'm having this talk with you because, frankly, you're embarrassing. Year after year the Toronto Film Festival imports a wide range of celebrities (from "Holy Crap it's _____ from the movies!" to "Isn't that ____ from that piece-of-crap movie") into the city and what do you do about it? Gawk, whisper and yell!

Listen, I know how it is. You're walking down the street, going through the motions of yet another mundane scene in your mundane life and bam! All of a sudden you recognize someone...and not in that usual "I think that's the guy I agreed to sleep with and rejected on Facebook" kind of way. You've spotted a celebrity! Your pulse immediately rises. You go to your phone to text a friend but your mind is racing and your eyes are locked. Pride is telling you not to do it but your Inner Storyteller shoves a fat cell into Pride's mouth. You're gonna make friends with a star! "Uh, Hi _______? Oh my God! I just wanted to say - you were sooo good in that movie with Jessica Alba. What's she like?"

You may get a response. You may get a security guard's shove. But what you definitely won't get is a celebrity's friendship. Your amateur approach has not only degraded our city's otherwise snobby and elite character, it's slapped a big "CREEPY FAN" label on your forehead. To save you from degrading the city further, without sacrificing your Inner Storyteller's aspirations, I've prepared a quick and easy guide to making friends with Toronto-bound celebrities.

1) Upon confirming the identity of the spotted star, immediately release your eyes from glare mode.

2) Have a loud conversation about the stock market while pressing your finger to one ear and walking by. Lose your balance and gently shove yourself into them.

3) Apologize immediately and mutter something about how "it's hard to escape the spiritual zone right after hot yoga." Ask if the celeb has a moment to help you look for your tiny Ear-Chip Blackberry.

4) Compliment the shape of the celebrity's body, while acting aloof to any of their works. After a minute of searching, say something about material possessions being insignificant and invite the celebrity out for "a drink or something." The "or something" is a vague enough trap for former-alcoholics/drug addicts (two major demographics within the celebrity community).

5) Congratulations, you've just captured the attention, and possibly the admiration of a celebrity. Just make sure you keep the pictures of your cats hidden and your 1993 brick-sized Nokia cell on silent.

Check out Sabrina Jalees' website.